Excuse-O-Mat Generator.

Things go wrong, which is awfully annoying of them, and then comes the really difficult thing: explaining what happened. What do you do when the old excuses have been used once too often?
Why, you just use the Excuse-O-Mat Generator for one of 3.6 million different convincing, ready-made excuses!

As for you, don't give me any of your whining. In words of one syllable: you aren't exactly the Dalai Lama yourself. Some of us worry more about our own faults, not someone else's. But if it makes you happy, I'm sorry. Jeez, people can be so manipulative.

[ Excuse-O-Mat Generator ]