Dave Barry Column Generator.

Dave Barry's columns are published every Friday on his web site at the Miami Herald. But if you can't wait that long, you can use this generator to make a column yourself.

Recently in Paris (motto: "escargots"), residents reported an outbreak of funny mushrooms. Perhaps you think there are no funny mushrooms in Paris. Perhaps you are an idiot. As the French say, au contraire (literally: "Why didn't I get any mayonaise with these fries?!"). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader Harry, whose name can be rearranged to spell "HYARR", although that is not my main point.

My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "doing", and de grace, meaning "nothing". The Paris city council thinks that they (the funny mushrooms) will eventually go away.

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